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Username: Red_wellies
i want to get out of the habit of using this one. cos it has too many memories but i dont want to delete them.
add me as a freind.
abi
xxx
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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A Irish Airman foresees his Death.
I know that i shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those i fight i do not hate,
Those i guard i do not love;
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death
W.B. Yeats
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would anybody like to join my pirate crew?
me = im the capitan
kelly= potatoe grower and first mate
chris(kellys one)= cook and maker of rum
kellianne= ship whore and memeber of crew
charlie = crew member
shamaus(or what ever)=thug crew member,man that prods people off the plank
molly = man who is in crows nest who shouts land hoi.
i need more crew members thuggy or not so thuggy and what ever posts you think need to be filled.
raab <8~ herself ~8>
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 21st, 2005
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This is a story that kelly made me read.its so sad. right at this very moment i am crying because of it.. all she said was yusss,8 ppl.
Read it and tell me what you think..
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.
My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.
Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.
You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.
At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room.
She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.
She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself --a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.
And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 9th, 2005
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ello every1 ... well kellianne :P ... kellianne, my faihfull reader and wife :)
oh well
freddie has ruined my life...
well we where talking last night and he has made me a vegitarian (prolly spelled wrongly but right now i dont care)
and i dont drink milk anymore.. the meer thought of it turns my stomach... :(... bloody freddie...
ummm its the Zambia fest the moz... who else is goin? can i hang bout wae u kellianne? cos i dont know if kelly will go and i would prefer not to be by my self..
noddy might be coming to vist the moz but frankly right now i cant be bothered with the sod..
i am gona try to see kelly the moz cos she seemed pretty peved at me ... :( i dont know... we are so close but some time i worry about it.. its too close.. i feel that soon were just gona fall out again over something stupid and that worries me i love her to peices.
ummm thats all i can really think of... so long
xxx
oh yer chriss also wats to go to the cinema.. like hell i want to go with him cos hes so anoying wen u go to the cinema wae him he talks all the way thro it *rolls eyes*
and
i am reading the hitchhikers guide to the galazy again, just so i find it easyer to critises the movie
there is already too faults with it
1. ford prefect6 is a balck man WITHOUT ginger hair... ford prefect has ginger hair...
2. zaphrod beeblebox has 2 heads and 3 arms but the 1 in the movie has 1 head and 2 arms *looks peved*
1 LAST THING
psyche out are playing in the cathouse on the 24th of may...we have to go...
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
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oh ma gee . i have just realise (thro owen) that i no longer have as many crushes. i can count like 6 or something :O
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | love hurts |
| Time: | 12:05 am. |
| Mood: |  gloomy. | | Music: | kasabibn - or something like that- its on the tv. |
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well i dont know..
yet again my love life is pear shaped... why? i have far too much guy trouble..
moonie said im ugly, but you abi, why are you soo good looking , lots of paople want you.
if they do they keep it pretty bloody well hidden...
i only like the ppl i cant have or will treat me like poo..
i hate it .. i just want some1.
oh well
i was talking to owen .. hes a really amazing guy.
we were talking about ducks and fish and testicles..and cows.... oh well
i dont know..
this is meh..
rar.
oh well
right now im at kirstens.. :)
oh well
byes
ps
still not herd from noddy :(
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oh well last night, we stayed at mine. and i got a phone call..
lets all guess who from..
yes , thats right from the dick head him self. david.
he phoned to make me forgive him, or at least i think thats wat he did.. cos kelly answered it and said abi its dick head. n i went who? she chucked the fone over and david said hi, its noddy. n i went oh, its you.
i shouted at him a bit. , made him feel bad the usual. but he was using all these excuses and 15 mins into the convo he still hadnt said sorry so i decided to tell him this n he was like yeh i did. n asked him mate if he had.. and i shoulted no u fucking didnt. and went over all the previous convo with him.
i dont know
yet again i think he is sorry for the wrong reasons, why are guys like that? im pisses off wae him cos he didnt show up when he had promised and he didnt tell any1. he could have been bloody dead...
i dont know
he said he was gona fone back but in typical david style , didnt..
i dont know
i hope i hurt him. he said i did.. its nice to know that because hes upset me so much and made me worrie so much i think its only fair.
oh well.
freddie stayed last night :)
i enjoyed it. i like it better at his tho.
oh well
best be going.. need to clean tidy up abit.
x
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Thursday, March 31st, 2005
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| Time: | 6:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  angry. |
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oh well yet again i am angry.
kelly phoned noddys house and found out he phoned home yesterday to say he has a new house.
that means he didnt come to mine and nothing is wrong with him.. i hate him so much.. *looks veryy angry*
oh well.. i hate him so much. HATE HATE HATE
bye for now
xxx
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Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
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im so happy right now. :)
i have been on the phone to pyett for an hour :) hes made me smile :) i get to see him 2 weeks next friday :) cos then it would have been a year since i first met him :)
im also sad cos freddie couldnt stay :( but i get to see him another day so i guess its not that bad
black adder is on :)
oh well..
bye
xx
mwah
xx
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i was just browsing all of the entrys i have missed over the past few weeks
kellianne - you seriously didnt miss much at not staying i was so close to attacking emily and cwaig i wanted so much to see them bleed. i was so angry... funny... i have been for the past little while *shugs* i guess its listening to too much rage. but emily came to mine wae steff.. i didnt mind i put up with it.. we had like £40 worth of drink :) whay. but emily got absolutly plasted and hadnt even necked the bottle of red square or wat ever pish she was drinking. and then after a while wen every was getting to noisy me n them all went out. me n kelly got split up from the group (kelly was trying to steal a toy truck from this garden it looked kool and she was drunk) it made me laugh.. and then we went to hers cos we was bursting for the toilet n i couldnt be bothered wae the others. n then on the way i was singing
comea comea comea comea comelion (spelt wrongly but i dont care)
we come and go we come and go.
life is so easy when colours are like my dreams
red gold and green red gold and greeeeeeen.
but kelly (in true pope/catholic hating irishness) told me to change it so i had to sing
red white and blue.
she also put condoms on her hands .. we were kinda drunk.. was fun :) took ma maind off of noddy.
BUT
when me n kelly was walking down the road nicola foned n said were are uz? and that they had all drank kellys vodka (wat we'd told em not to touch) n we was kinda peved. (stike no 1.)
THEN
wen i got home my mum n dad looked angry n i saw the mess ma wee sis was in. she was so fucking drunk. it took me n kelly n ma ma to get her down the coridor to her room... n then she was sick everywere. i felt bad cos it was kinda ma fault but i was also peved cos we all thought she'd drank some ay the vodka. but nic said she haddent... but i was still pissed off cos they haddnt stoped her.. they let her get that drunk while me n kelly were out (strike no 2)
FINALLY
while my little sis was throwing up everywere and was too limp to hold her self up.. she was like a rag doll seriously.. she was totally away. it was scarey.. me n ma ma n kelly were running round frantically trying to get bucks n colths n water n stuff.. nicola was like is she ok is she ok? n steff was worried too. moonie kept out of the way and asked how she was doin..
i walk thro to my room. guess wat.. i see cwaig and emily pulling.. i was 'so freekin pissed.' (giggles) and i said are uz ok? n stuff n cwaig stuck his thumb up.. they knew wat was happening and didnt care.. it fucking pissed me off so much... so i shouted at them a little.. and walked out of the room and i was so angry... all i wanted to do was hurt emily and cwaig... i wanted to scream and shout. but kelly n ma ma was like not now itll only cause more trouble. so i was like ok.. and went thro to get a bubble to tie ma hair back.. they were sitting on the bed no longer pulling emily with a slightly sad face but i think it was more cos i shouted at her than she was concerned. and i said im not ghona shout cos im not allowed to im not gona fucking even talk to uz. and when i walked out of the room i was muttering under my breath about how angry i was n how much i hated them...
they were like im sorry im sorry.. but they had no clue wat they were sorry for.. they still didnt care about my sis.. and its not the first time its happened there was the time at mels.. where the 2 steffs were drunk and cwaig didnt care then either and all he cared about was holding mels hand... fucking arse.. oh well...
and then cwaig was sick n me n kelly had to run round after him .. we werent to happy bout it.
and emily was talking but i was too pissed off to really care so i kept giving her evils n stuff..
in the morning cwaig had a hang over so yet more running round after him... arg.. i dont know.. it was kinda shit... but i think i handled it reasonably well.. by that i mean i didnt attack emily or cwaig :)
and
freddie - i read ur lyrics -
D.I.Y.
Hey kid, heard about the girl
Thats real tough but you gotta show the world
that you won't give up and you won't give in
winners never quit coz quiters never win
but i know how you feel, it takes some time
no later than a month you'll be doing just fine
You'll find somebody new, you'll find somebody better
all you have to do is just keep it together
Hey kid, heard about the tears
how could she do that after so many years
she said that she would be around with you forever
but now shes on the lookout for somebody better
and i know how you feel but just give us a smile
even if its only just for a lttle while
coz your gonna have to spend another million lonely nights
and you better start now if you really wanna get it right
You said that you would never go, so where did you go?
Please take the memories with you
coz i dont wanna know no more
and if i fall . . . I'll do it by myself
i really like them :) i want to go n see ur band play n im working on it.. i need sum1 to go wae tho... but hay.. im sure ill get sum1 *looks doubtfull* i promise ill go to one...
oh well.thats got alot outa ma system.
bye
xxx
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Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
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WITH THANKS TO BABEL FISH (SARCASM)
-----------------------------------
original message:
ah , french. i do not really know what to do anymore. everything seems to be so messed up. i really like someone but yet again i feel that they do not like me in the same way. oh well
translated:
oh, français. je ne sais pas vraiment quoi faire plus tout semble être ainsi gâché I vraiment comme quelqu'un mais encore une fois j'estime qu'elles ne m'aiment pas de la même manière OH bien
translated back to english:
oh, French. I do not know really what to do all more thus seems to be wasted I really as somebody but once again I estimate that they do not like me same manner OH
its pretty close lasttime it was so wrong..it made me laugh.. there actually is a reason for my writing in french and filling my time with usless things. this reason is to take my mind off of the current events that are happening to me and a certian frind. this i shal write about later. right now i want to get the feeling of uslessness, betrail, guilt and worry out of my system. oh well
RANDOM QUOTES
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oh well thing that have happend this week have been mighty sad but also mighty happy.. and these are some random things that i have herd over the past few days:
1.'Naughty passport hiding in the crisps again'- Black books
2.'"It will be along time before i will want to sacrifice another monkey","YOU SAID WE WERENT GOING TO TALK ABOUT CANADA" - Black books
3.'Don't laugh at me, Don't look away'- bed shaped
4.'there is no such thing as wasted time exept the time people spend thinking they are alone' (or something) - the five people you meet in heaven
5.'tripple T, K, A... time to totally kick ass' - white chicks :P
THE TIME AT FREDDIES :)
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yet another happy, cheerful time spent with the wonderful freddie. he cheered me up at a time i felt i really needed it. he makes me smile and feel really happy. oh well.
it was funny on the train to kilwinky freddie had chips, which he had bought walking to the station. on the train he decided to line them up in to rows like in an army. i laughed muchly and kept messing them up.
he also makes fun of the way i say spider and violent. the only problem is that he says i say it wrong so he does an impression of me and i now cant say spider the way i used to or the 'correct way' i say it in the way he does wen hes taking the piss.:(
oh well..he also went on about a wonderfull place called petoria. *giggles*
we watched white chicks (yet again) and clock work orange and black books. all in all was fun.
THE FRIEND
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Ok.
something happened this weekend. it involves freinds drink and anger, ALOT of anger.
a load of ppl (nicola mooney steff kelly cwaig and emily) stayed at mine. we had alchol and it was going to be a laugh. i phoned david (noddy) to see if he was still going to come and on the second try he answered his fone n i was like still coming ? he said yes. i said what time? and he said the 20 (or past cani mind) train. i was like ok.. as quater to 6 approached i phoned him again to see if he was on the train and to tell him we were walking up to the station to meet him, no answer. again, no answer, again and again and again and again and again and again and again, and so on, but still no answer. me assuming the git was on the train and couldnt hear his mobbie (i made this assumption because sometimes i rang n it went on to his answer thingy wae out ringing and the next nime (like a second later) it would ring) so we all trapsed up to the station and waited no sign of noddy. waited for the next rain still no sing, gave up and walked home, all the way hoping to see him but also really raging. i sent him a text saying, 'where are u?and why arnt u on the train, see if uve stood me up again i will hate u. ill fone u wen we get in fae walking to the station or u fone me. abi.' (well along those lines)
kelly foned, saying for me to meet her at the shop so i did and we split up (moonie maz and nic to the garage, me to the shop to meet kelly n cwaig n steff n emily back to mine) i hoped, seen as the boy had been to mine before, he might b there wen we got back, no such luck. i was really angry at this point.
the fucking wanker had asked me out 2 days before saying he loved me n shit, i said i didnt know wether i wanted to go out wae him or not. if he had brung the subject up again i would have said:
yes i do really like you but you lie to much and are too unreliable if you change that i would but itll take a while for you to regain my trust.
alas he didnt bring it up.so my words went unsaid.
the thing that anoyed me even more was like an hour before he promised that he would show. cos he knew i wasnt to happy at him cos he has said he'd meet me and not before. many times before.
so whilst walking home from the shop wae kelly i explained to her why he wasnt there.
by this time my bloody was boiling so frantically if i had seen him i think i may have killed him.but still i hoped to see him. even tho he is unreliable and lies and i dont really fancie him, hes still lovely to be around.
when i got home i asked if he'd fone or was here on the slight possiblity he could be. he wasnt. for the next few hours me n kelly foned him and foned him and foned him. eventually being kinda drunk and bord wae foning him. we left a message on his answer machine saying. that he was missing out on fun and bla bla bla. and i said i hated him and at that time i did. i hated him so much. if he had answered it i would have screamed at him till i was blue in the face and preferably he was crying.
even tho we had gave up calling i was still angry.i went on and on about hating him cos he didnt show. i just thought that he had went away wae his wee stoner buddies and got drunk n stoned and stayed at theirs and didnt give a thought about me.
but then cwaig said. ' what happens if soemthing has happened to him? i said i dont care. i said i hated him and i didnt care.i said he was doing it cos its wat he does he has no respect for me and constantly lets me down. if he hadnt have done it before i would have thought mibby something has happend but to be truthfull we have arranged to meet so many times ive lost count n only once has he shown up.
eventually , with the help of drink and a laugh with ma mates, i shugged it off.. i decided that id never talk to him again and if he cared for me the way he said he did he would feel as bad as i did, hopefully worse.
the next day i went to freddies. but on the train i got a phone call. it went soimehting like this:
' hi, abi?
yes?
its davids dad.
oh
have you seen david? hes not came home. do u know were he is?
no, im sorry
oh, alright, good bye.'
i started to feel bad and the 25 mins i waited in the train staion for freddie was the longest 25 mins of my life. all that went throught my mind was shit, wat if somehting has happend god i feel so bad for saying i dont care, i feel so bad for saying i hate him. wat if something i said has really pset him or if he has been mugged or something.i foned his mob, off.
wen freddie came i tryed to make my mind ok. and after about 10 mins i started to cheer up. i just thougth that he was at work or he was at a mates and lost track of the time (the work one i figured wouldnt be right cos he work clothes are home) but i still felt bad and hoped that he was ok and not dead. i tryed to forget about it. and freddie helped he really cheered me up :)
the next day (yesterday)
i got a phone call at 11:49
'hi, abi? its robert davids bro. have u seen david?
no. im sorry
have u herd from him?
no, he was ment to stay at mine last night but didnt show.
oh ok.bye
bye'
i went back to sleep after abit of worrying.
the rest of the day my mind was like shit shit shit shit shit shit. something has happened. i decided that i would call his house later on that night to see if he was home. but being caught up in readin and not coming home till 10 i lost track of the time. 12. too late to fone. ill phone in the morning - no they'll be at work -
so i worried. but continued to read the book and got totally swept away by it. its an amazing book, could have been writen better but the idea behind it was great.
i finished the book at 5am. and yawned. i had finished it before freddie :) i sent him a txt saying i had (he bought the same book at the same time, actually he paid for mine n his 2gether)
i woke up at 1. still sleepyt i stumbled from my bed on to be greated from a phone call from monkey (who right now is in my living room with kirsten n i can hear ma bro screaming so obviously kisten and mokey are bullying him.)
i got dressed and picked up money and met up wae kirsten and went thro to edin. the whole day i kept my eyes open from david. just incase.
do u know how many phone calls i have had today?
0?
1?
2?
no
3.
i have recieved 3 phone calls from davids mother who is really badly worried about him. asking if i had seen him. and if i saw or herd fae him could i tell them or get him to call.. bla bla bla
i felt so bad. i still do.
she brought to my attention something. david had actually been missing for 4 days. 4!
and i feel bad,
i feel bad cos i said i hated him
i feel bad cos i said i dont care|
i feel bad for assuming that he did not show cos he couldnt be bothered or was doing something he thought was more important than i was.
but i feel bad most of all...
for saying i wouldnt care if something had happened to him cos right now i feel so shit.. im totally stressing about it..
if only i could get a txt or a phone cal saying he was ok and he was safe.. i would feel so happy..
if im going thro this amount of stress and worrie i would hate to see wat his familys like....
oh well peace out.
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| Time: | 1:56 pm. |
| Mood: |  calm. | | Music: | bright eyes. |
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hahahahahahahahaha!!! kellianne, i was good :P well goodish. not much bad..lol...
im gona win the bet :)
so yer i might be meeting chriss today. notice the might. lol... i said meet me at 3 on sunday if u want but then he sent me an email saying i thought we was meeting up on sat.. so now im confused n i no if i dont go he'll be there n if i do go then he wont..lol... better safe than sorry i guess...
so yer yesterday.. i dont know. i felt very bad yesterday morning.. im not too sure why. i just did. i felt very used and i dont know why and i felt sad. n then freddie was sad cos he had an argument wae suzi n i felt uber bad.. n then she was on the train n he looked like he was bout to cry so that made me uber uber sad. i dont know.. hes moving to norway FOREVER :( *cries* he said i was to just forget about him. i dont want to forget about him cos i luvs him muchly. hes so great and funnny and i dont know. so yday was quite bad.
and friday was fun tho :)
and today.. well i dont know wats gona happen there.
kelly stayed last night .. me n her were a little pisses at cwaig n we was playing wae hamma beads so i made bracelets... lol.. it was fun.. kellys so much like family.. i luv her so much.. it was origionally kelly and abi but then it moved on to just abi n just kelly but now were starting to go back to kelly and abi again :) its great.. :)
oh well best b off now..
byeeee
x
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Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
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hay. im in history and mr silcocks not in so we get a crappy sub.lol. we have a maths teacher or something. im listening to my mp3 player :) thank god, im not totally bord. Its 2 oclock and i have really really painfull cramp :(arg. i was wanting to write a letter but i have no1 to write to so im writing this and then type it in to ma lj. how clever.
Whay boney M. Ra Ra Rasputine, lover of the russian queen! how sad.
So yer i might be going to robs tomorrow :) i hope its only us 2. i would like that. if sum1 else is there we'll be all weird n we wont talk and i dont know i really just wana be freinds with again him so much.
i really dont know what to do anymore. but i do know im gona stop having sex unless its with my boyfriend. which takes me 2 another problem actually getting one. i dont know.. somehow every1 seems to be abvle to get a bf or a gf that they stay with for ages and me... i get relationships that last 3 weeks or something. my longest relationship ever was 7 weeks.
Im gona try to stop with the whole being seen by guys as a fuck buddy or some1 to only have sex. i dont want that i want huggs n kisses n a bf and wat ever. cos its getting me down and ive had enough.lol
Nicola wasnt intoday :( i need her shes the only 1 who makesit all ok. arg. i tell her everything, i guess i need her so much. i dont know what id do with out her. prolly die or something shes so logical. i hope shes ok. shes made me so happy the other day, we were talking the other day and i asked her if i got really ill and frail and didnt want to live anylonger cos i was ill or something would she kill me and she said yess and that made me so happy to know that if that ever happens i wont have to continue prolonging my life and my pain for no reason, because i wasnt gona get better. Would you do a thing like that?
I love nicola muchly. every1 should have a nicola. We have pictures of her n me. i have mine in ma purse :)
I feel happyer now. i dunno. i really need to talk to nic cos i feel so stressed n anxious n stuff but this has calmed me down muchly
I get to stay with freddie on friday :) but (no reason to do with him) i dont know if i wana go. I feel yucky and i have really bad cramp n id prolly shout at him. bt at the same time he normally cheeres me up so i dnt know
I luvs him muchly tho.
Oofta. im gona start revising 4 ma exams soon :( *cries* 7 weeks till exams . 2 weeks of which is easter hols :( i intend to studdy abit evben if it does mean putting my social life on hold. its not forevr i guess.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
oh yer how funny is the pot noodle horn advert. its amazing..lol...
i gigle wen i see it.
oofta..
x
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Thursday, February 24th, 2005
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He was crazy of course
From the first she must have known it
But still she went on with him
And she never once had shown it
And she took him off the street
And she dried his tears of grieving
She listened to his visions
She believed in his believe-ins
Oh, he was the sun burning bright and brittle
And she was the moon shining back his light a little
He was a shooting star
She was softer and more slowly
He could not make things possible
But, she could make them holy
He was dancing to some music
No one else had ever heard
He'd speak in unknown languages
She would translate every word
And then when the world was laughing
At his castles in the sky
She'd hold him in her body
Till he once again could fly
Oh, he was the sun burning bright and brittle
And she was the moon shining back his light a little
He was a shooting star
She was softer and more slowly
He could not make things possible
But, she could make them holy
Well, she gave him a daughter
And she gave him a son
She was a mother, and a wife,
And a lover when the day was done
He was too far gone for giving love
What he offered in its stead
Was the knowledge she was the only thing
That was not in his head
He took off East one morning
Towards the rising sun's red glow
She knew he was going nowhere
But of course she let him go
And as she stood and watched him dwindle
Much too empty to be sad
He reappeared beside her saying,
"You're all I've ever had"
Oh, he was the sun burning bright and brittle
And she was the moon shining back his light a little
He was a shooting star
She was softer and more slowly
He could not make things possible
But, she could make them holy
Holy
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oh well
i dont know anymore.. this whole obsession things starting to get on my bloody nerves.. of all the guys in the world why the hell does it have to b him. i have no chance in hell with him the only plus side is i wont get hurt n used..
2morro i get to see freddie n euan n im staying in kilwinky :) its good i cani wait .. euan might not b staying.. but i get to meet androo eventually.. and i also get to discuss who named polbeth polminge.. i have even started to call it that..lol.. so yar at least i dont live in kilwinky.. i might also get to see fena .. would b kinda kool.. but i dont mind.. i really wana see euan n freddie they make me soooooo happy.. like unbalievably.. they make me smile and laugh.. n oh well..i promise to u euan.. that wat happened last time wont happen again.. im good *looks angelic* so no more mentally scaring euan.
freddie killed me last night over the phone and he killed ma teddy too .. so me n teddy are now gona haunt him.
i dont really know wat else to say
skool was shit .. well freddie sent the most lovly texts in the world so i guess it wasnt that bad. cos they made me smile.. i was bumped in he.. but we went in to the other class n i sat was dec and daryl and lambart and jaeson n it was a laff..lol
the strange boy.. i mean calum really likes me wat is kinda confusing .. but hay..i do like him but i dont know..would b kool to get to know him more tho .. hes a really sound n lovly guy. arg,i dont know.. the whole guy part ay ma life is a bit confusing at the mo.. as u, kellianne would know.oh well.. he likes harry chapin or at least says he does.. cos he downloaded cats in the cradle.i luvs calum... oh yer..
he killed me too.. well i died whilst talking to him.. i blame freddie.. but ill haunt em both..
noddy is getting a tattoo.. :) another 1 but i know fine well hell get something shit.. i cant pick it for him this time :( cos i havent seen him.. n then hell get carried away arg..n get more facial peircings :(
oh well
im so anoyed .. why the hell do i care so much bout guys?
*coughwhorecough*
abi xxxxxxxxxxx
oh yar.. chriss was online for the first time in ages n we talked .. he made me smile.. i cani wait to see him again..ive not seen him for aggggggeeeeeesssss..
lol.
shit there was something i had to write but i forgot it
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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
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| Time: | 9:08 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. |
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oh well.. ben was online n was talking to me ... breifly.. oh well im over him.. wooo :) i dont know.. it feels weird.. i wana see him so much..i had so much fun being with him.. but hay i know he dont like me anymore.. so im not wanting things to happen .. arg i wana see him but i dont.. but anyway.. wat is the chances i will see him? summer? nah.. oh well..
why am i guy obsessed???
why why why???
arg this is so anoying .. everything i get over sum1 i like sum1 else.
why the hell am i turning in to melody??
oh well .. booh bah
xxxx
oh yer.. im doint he whole 40 days n 40 nights thing again.. its been 3 days .. proud :) doubt itll last much longer .. but ill try .
xxxx
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| Time: | 6:42 pm. |
| Mood: |  giddy. |
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oh well i dont really know wat has been happening this week .. nothing much .. as per bloody usual.
im watching hollyoaks :) how sad..lol.. i dont care tho.. i no longer have any silly rob not apreciating soaps n not letting me watch em.
oh well .. this week i went to the center and i think i had more fun than i have had for agggeeeesss.. i was with andy :) wat was fun he sat on ma knee for agess.. i dont like to sit on his knee as he is really skinny.. im happy that we were like that cos we havent been for ages .. i dont even know why.. i guess it was cos he was out wae aileen n then i got out wae rob .. but hay .. were back to 'flirty' again.. so its all fun..
calum was at the center again i was waiting to see him but then i got bord n kelly draged me downstairs .. n then i saw him.. hes a lovsly guy n give lovsly huggles :) he's really sweet.. he thought that andy was ma bf.. *giggles*
'i saw abby last night at bathgate and she is really cute, i got a hug and stuff but she was there with ehr boyfriend i think, this skinny dude who was sitting on her lap, but i dont really mind, just a cute friend i guess'
tis wat he wrote.. giggles..ive got all shy now.. i dont know..
freddie might not be moving to Norway but hes not too sure :( i dont want him to go.. ill miss him muchly... i dont want him to gooo :(
oh well i guess i cant stop him if he does.. ill jst miss him n his foot fettish like mad.
he has no beard. :( he wont look right now.
oh well id best b away to watch the end of hollyoaks :) and get food im soooo hungry..
abi xxxxxxx
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Saturday, February 5th, 2005
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i feel so shit.. oh well.. i jst dont really care anymore.
x
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sumthingillegal's journal
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